New Insights on ADHD

Flipping ADHD on Its Head: How to Turn Your Child's Disability into Their Greatest Strength by Dr. Jim Poole needs to be required reading for parents, doctors, teachers, and school administrators—in short anyone who works with kids and particularly with kids who have ADHD. Readers will notice right away that Dr. Poole emphasizes focusing on the positives of ADHD instead of considering it a negative liability or disability. Specifically, Dr. Poole wants people to rethink the impulsivity, distractibility, and hyperactivity common to ADHD as creativity, curiosity, and energy. He has coined the term Fastbraiin (yes the “i” appears twice) to describe the philosophy and approach to treating ADHD used in his South Carolina clinics and now available in his book.

Dr. Poole emphasizes two main things in his book. The first is that positivity is so important in working with children with ADHD. Dr. Poole provides evidence that individuals with ADHD receive so many more negative messages which pull them down and make them feel defeated. Anyone who is in a classroom or works with kids will be familiar with the refrain of “Johnny, pay attention! Johnny, look at me! Johnny, sit on your bottom!” over and over. Dr. Poole provides information on how to rephrase items as a positive message that doesn’t squelch excitement and energy but helps to harness it. After setting up the positives of ADHD and why positivity is so important in our interactions, Dr. Poole moves on to a series of chapters on “Flipping” all aspects of life including parenting, education, exercise, rest, nutrition, and medication. He emphasizes that children with ADHD need to be taught how to study and utilize their unique strengths. Dr. Poole has pretty much distilled his “Fastbraiin” formula into the pages of the book.

Reading Dr. Poole’s recommendations, my thoughts were this makes sense and this will require a lot of time and energy to implement. Following this formula would not be an easy process but implementing even a portion will have huge dividends. My only reservation was the emphasis on using the specific supplements available through his clinic. Although geared specifically towards people with ADHD, anyone would benefit from incorporating these suggestions. So, if you or someone you love has ADHD—read this book! If that doesn’t describe you, read the book anyway to help your brain and body work even better!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received Flipping ADHD on Its Head via NetGalley. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Good parenting tips

Parenting Beyond the Rules: Raising Teens with Confidence and Joy by Connie Albers
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Parenting Beyond the Rules: Raising Teens with Confidence and Joy focuses on the importance of relationship rather than rules when parenting teens. Author Connie Albers emphasizes that taking the time to listen to your teen and get to the heart of the matter is more effective than a strict emphasis on rules and behavior. Throughout the book, Albers provides numerous examples from her own experiences as a parent of teens. I found this book was a good reminder of parenting advice but did not contain much in the way of "new information." It is a fairly fast-paced book and recommended to parents who are entering the teen years. Parenting Beyond the Rules would also be a great book to read and discuss with a group of parents.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received the book Parenting Beyond the Rules via NetGalley. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

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Adolesence Shouldn't be a Pressure Cooker

Having previously read Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood by Dr. Lisa D'Amour, when I had the opportunity to read her newest book Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls I knew I needed to do so.

Anyone who has teen girls or is around teen girls on a regular basis will immediately connect with this title. Keep in mind we are not saying that teen boys aren't under pressure but that it is intensified with teen girls. Parents and mentors want to find the right thing to say that will encourage girls and help them as well as teach them how to handle things on their own but too often feel that you are stepping on a land mine. Dr. D'Amour takes parents and other adults under her wing and gently shares what we can say and do that will help teen girls learn to handle situations in a mature, adult way. I really enjoy how D'Amour emphasizes teaching and coaching girls through the thought process and having them take the lead on what to do.

D'Amour brings to the book years of experience in clinical psychology and her role at Laurel School for girls and private psychotherapy. Her experience shines through as she brings numerous examples of specific situations that have come up in her practice. D'Amour does write from a secular perspective and not all readers will agree with everything she writes. However, even when I did not agree with her perspective (ie premarital sex), her discussion of the topic raised issues I had not considered when broaching this topic.

Under Pressure is highly recommended for numerous audiences. Parents need to have a copy handy to reference often. Teachers, youth ministers, and anyone else who works with pre-teens on up will also find this resource very useful. Counselors and therapists who work with teens and parents will also desire to have a copy to loan out to parents. This book and D'Amour's previous title Untangled, also belong in every public library.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received the book Under Pressure from Ballantine via NetGalley. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Understanding Your Teen

In less than one month, I will be the proud mother of not just one but two teenagers. Thus, receiving a copy of Understanding Your Teen: Shaping Their Character, Facing Their Realities by Jim Burns, president of HomeWord, was quite timely and appreciated. Jim Burns writes from the perspective of both an expert in adolescence who has spent a lifetime working with teens and a parent who lived to tell about raising his three daughters to adulthood. As such, the book is grounded in research but filled with stories illustrating the concepts.

This volume is divided into two parts--Part 1: Parenting Teems to Become Responsible Adults and Part 2: Common Teen Issues and What Parents Can Do. Jim Burns opens Understanding Your Teen by describing the vast changes that have occurred since today's parents went through the teen years and that parents cannot make assumptions about their teens' experiences. This is a theme he often returns to throughout the book. Burns continues to lay a firm foundation by briefly outlining adolescent development and general parenting strategies before delving into adolescent issues. As expected in a book about parenting today's teenager, the subjects of media, sexuality, education, and communication are addressed as well as spirituality. Surprisingly, Burns also addresses the importance of a strong marriage in effectively parenting teens. Part 2 of Understanding Your Teen functions as a mini encyclopedia describing numerous teen issues, symptoms of the issues, and brief suggestions on how to handle them. This section is intensely practical and useful to have on hand when needed.

A highlight of this volume is the great questions that appear at the end of each chapter in part one. These questions are ideal for spouses to use as they read and interact with the material. They also make this book an ideal resource for a parenting class or Bible study group. Youth ministers will wish to be familiar with this book as a resource to recommend to parents. Church and public libraries will desire to add this to their shelves.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from InterVarsity Press. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Untangled: Reads Like a Chat with an Experienced Mom-Friend

The description of Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood by Dr. Lisa Damour caught my attention immediately since I do have a teenage daughter. I was not disappointed!

In Untangled, Dr. Damour emphasizes that separation is a normal and vital part of adolescent development and the road to adulthood. However, how parents choose to deal with these issues is important to long-term relational health. Dr. Damour outlines what parents can expect as their daughters transverse their journey in seven chapters, or transitions, entitled Parting with Childhood, Joining a New Tribe, Harnessing Emotions, Contending with Adult Authority, Planning for the Future, Entering the Romantic World, and Caring for Herself. The content of each chapter deals with topics that are pertinent to teens as they age with the later chapters dealing with weightier issues. Although not quite yet to some of the later chapters, I frequently found myself nodding in agreement concerning situations we've experienced or thinking that's why this or that happens.

While Dr. Damour is a highly qualified psychotherapist and brings with her research and insight from her practice at the Laurel School for Girls, reading Untangled feels like sitting down to talk with a good friend who journeyed farther down the path than you. As she is a parent herself as well as a practitioner, her writing and the ideas shared are intensely practical and have passed the "real life" test in addition to the ivory tower. I would caution that Untangled is from a secular viewpoint and thus shares about topics such as sex and substance abuse. I found Damour's approach fair and appropriate and found much that is applicable.

This book is highly recommended for parents of pre-teen or tween girls as well as teenagers. Reading the book when your daughter is 10 or 11 is ideal so that you are prepared when those first transitions begin. If your daughter is past those first transitions, you still need to read Untangled to help accompany you along the remainder of your journey.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from NetGalley. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Are you a mean mom?

I came across a reference to the book Mean Moms Rule by Denise Schipani in a book or another blog within the last month or two. As an oft heard phrase at our house is "You're the meanest mom/dad/parents ever," I decided I really ought to read this book. It did not disappoint and while I may not be the "meanest ever," it is reassuring to know that we seem to be doing OK.

The premise of Schipani's book is that parents today are too soft and not mean enough. Along the way she lambasts helicopter parents and parents who desire to be their child's friend rather than parent. Schipani outlines 10 Mean Mom Manifesto's. Several of these are geared more towards new parents or at least those whose children are still fairly young. As my children are both in elementary school, I'm a bit past her target audience but was still able to enjoy her book. As I read the book, I found myself nodding along that yes, these were statements I could agree with and my husband and I are doing alright. There were a few times where I found myself thinking we need to shore up that particular area and be meaner. Not all of these manifesto's will be popular with everyone, yet not everyone's cut out to be a mean mom either.

My children were not excited to see this particular book on the top of my stack from the library. They frequently exclaimed "Oh no, she's going to be meaner!" and threatened to dispose of the book. All in all they probably aren't going to see a huge change in our parenting style but it was fun to tease them. I would recommend this book to anyone who is beginning their parenting journey or still has little ones in the pre-K set. Young mothers (and fathers) may find this book useful to read and discuss together.

Bringing Up Kids

Since I have children of both genders, I recently decided to read the books Bringing Up Boys and Bringing Up Girls by Dr. James Dobson. I will readily admit that my reading of these titles was more of a skim than a thorough read, but I was thoroughly disappointed in both. Bringing Up Boys read like a critique of the feminist movement and all of modern parenting philosophy. While not agreeing with either entity completely, I did not feel the dismissal of everything about them warranted. I would have appreciated more parenting advice and less philosophical pandering. On the other hand, Bringing Up Girls seemed to focus entirely on protecting a girls sexual innocence. While a very important topic, I felt additional topics needed attention as well. All in all, I was very disappointed with both of these titles and will not be recommending them to others.

Cleaning House

Wyma, Kay Wills. Cleaning House: A Mom’s 12-Month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement. Colorado Springs: WaterBrook Press, 2012.

If there is a mom that hasn’t fought the battle of clutter and bedrooms that constantly look like they have been hit by a tornado, I want to meet that woman. As I do struggle with clutter, bedrooms that regularly do not pass inspection, and what those familiar with the FlyLady would call C.H.A.O.S. (can’t have anyone over syndrome) when the opportunity to read the book Cleaning House came along, I jumped. With the title Cleaning House, I expected, or maybe hoped for, another book that would help me be better organized and tackle the problem of my less than Better Homes & Gardens home once and for all. What I found when I opened this gem of a resource was even better.

Kay Wills Wyma’s Cleaning House does not focus on a 12-step, or 12-month, program on how to clean your house or tackle your clutter program. Instead, just as the sub-title indicates, Wyma focuses on the issue of youth entitlement she saw exhibited in her own children and rampant in society. From the first page, she opens the doors to her mini-van and home allowing us to peek in to her family. I’m so glad she did because now I know I’m not the only “mean mom” and that kids come pre-programmed to say certain things. As Wyma becomes keenly aware of the entitlement culture we live in and how we as parents have created, or at least contributed to, this culture, she decides to tackle these issues in her family head-on.

Wyma tackles one specific type of job or activity a month. For example, the first month of her experiment focuses on having her children clean their bedrooms. Later months focus on yard work, cleaning the bathrooms, and doing laundry. However, Wyma does not solely focus on cleaning tasks. Some months her emphasis is on “soft skills” such as hospitality, being a team player, serving others, and manners. Another month focuses on working outside the home in a paid or volunteer capacity. Frequently monthly activities, such as keeping your room clean, continue throughout the 12 months although not in the same focused matter.

Throughout the book, Wyma shares stories of real life events that occurred with her children to depict the events that happened during each month of the experiment. In addition to these real-life examples, Wyma includes research to demonstrate the problem of youth entitlement and stories of what has worked by other parents or individuals who work with youth. In this way, readers benefit not only from Wyma’s experiences but also the experiences of others. I particularly appreciated her list of what her children learned at the conclusion of each month as well as what she learned during the course of the month.

While reading Cleaning House, my new motto quickly became “Whatever the kids can do themselves, they are going to do (or at least attempt).” I’m looking forward the conducting my own 12-month experiment in our home which will most likely be the subject of future blog posts. My list of what kids should know before flying the coop may look a bit differently than Wyma’s, but there is quite a bit of overlap. In addition, I will certainly be borrowing numerous ideas such as the dollar a day in a jar (for more information see chapter 1). I have also started following Wyma’s blog, the MOATblog and encourage you to do so too.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Blogging for Books . I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Pat me on the back parenting

I hate what I like to call "pat me on the back parenting." I am well aware of the fine line between telling and bragging when it comes to your children's activities. But I think you cross the line when you brag about what your child does in terms of charity work. At that point it becomes not so much what your child does, but "look at me I'm such a great parent because my kid did this." It's OK to be proud of your kids and it's OK to tell grandparents or close friends but beyond that just goes too far.